Change The Channel

Our attitude has such a profound effect on the way we perceive things.  It is really amazing.  What I have noticed is possible, but admittedly requires practice, is that we have the power to change our experience whenever we want to just by changing our attitude.  Yes!  We have the power to think however we want to about something, and if our thoughts are not serving us, we can decide to think about something else.  

Changing your attitude can be hard when you are stuck in the feelings of the moment.  When we are in a situation in which we are feeling bad, we need to have triggers we can use to shift our thinking and get ourselves out for the negative space we are currently experiencing.   We need to develop some tools we can use when we find ourselves in a bad mood, or stuck in complaining mode when everything seems to be going wrong.  Sometimes we are stuck in victim thinking.  Why torture ourselves by continuing to think about things or pay attention to things that upset us?  That just gives what is bothering us more power to ruin the moment we are in.  Huh?  Press the channel up button on the remote control, and go to another program.  When you are in a situation that is causing you to have a bad attitude, change the channel!  Think about what IS working in your day, remind yourself of what is GOOD in your life, focus on something that makes you happy in that instant.  A smell, a memory, a song, an image; think about anything that takes you out of the current moment.  Then, remind yourself that this is only a piece of your day; all the things that are happening around you are merely events existing in the space that you are currently in.  These events or situations are not YOU, and they will pass.  Focus on that aspect; this (whatever it is) will pass, and you will come out on the other side free of whatever is bothering you!   

Another thing I have noticed is how quickly our attitude can change when we are in a stressful situation.  What we perceive as “stressful” can be many things:  physical pain, being hungry, being sleep deprived, having a headache, illness, etc.  These things can act like a magnet and take all of our focus, which does not leave us with as much energy to press the button on that remote control when attitude shifting situations pop up.  So what do we do?  We need to train ourselves to recognize situations for what they are and remind ourselves that we are not defined by our situations.  Recognize what is going on and don’t get swept up in the emotional tide that the situation brings with it.  Instead of getting mad at someone or something that is happening, recognize and acknowledge what the truth of the situation is:  I am hungry and tired, and now Susie asking me so many questions and is irritating me. Now, Susie’s questions may very well be irritating, and I am not suggesting we lie to ourselves and pretend things are something that they are not.  What I am asking is that we try to recognize things for what they are:  I am so hungry, but as soon as I get home I am going to eat, and I am definitely going to go to bed early tonight.  Susie is irritating me, but I am leaving and will not have to talk to her anymore today – she is not coming home with me and she does not have the power to ruin my day.  Calm yourself down by being your own therapist.  Work through each situation like you are counseling someone else, and then take our own advice.  

We cannot be in denial about things that need to be addressed, but we do have the power to decide what we want to give our attention to.  With practice, we can shift our attitude any time we want to!  Do you have your remote control ready?

 

Pleasure vs. Pain

When we genuinely and completely want to do something, we will do it.  It’s as simple as that.  We have the power to accomplish anything we set our minds to.  That’s not just something our parents or teachers said to us to boost our confidence…it’s true! 

Motivation is about what is less painful.  The feeling of doing it, or the feeling of not doing it?  Because what feels “easier” becomes what is the least painful, sometimes we lose sight of what is really important.  In order to get or to stay motivated, we fist have to identify what we want, and then DECIDE we are going to do it.  This expands into all areas from losing weight, quitting smoking, cleaning the house, learning a new skill, developing a relationship.  Identify what is important, and just go do it.  Break it down.  I want to feel motivated to “fill-in-the-blank.”  Ok, what gets in the way or stops me from doing that?  No time, get too distracted, kids need me, have to work, too tired.  Ok, what will it take to “fix” each of the roadblocks you have identified?  Create a schedule (time management), turn off the TV and establish limits for computer usage (personal distraction factors), organize plan things around your children’s needs and your work schedules (external distraction factors), go to bed earlier (you get the idea).   Some people benefit from making a list or creating a schedule.  I know that when I found myself losing sight of what I had determined I needed to do in a given day, I started writing a “To Do List” every morning.  Keep in mind, it is equally as important to recognize what is NOT important to you, and then let yourself off the hook for those things to avoid the pitfalls of self-sabotage.    

Once you have a clear picture of what is important or what you want to accomplish, and then identify what it will take to get you there.  DECIDE you are going to DO IT!  When the urge comes to NOT do what you have decided to do (i.e. cheat on your diet, not exercise, not clean up a mess in the kitchen), you are not following your own plan.  You are being an insubordinate to YOU.  If you think of your well-being as a business, and one of your employees (you) was blatantly and repeatedly defying the instructions you gave, what would happen?  You would not tolerate that type of behavior from someone else, so why accept it from ourselves?

If you are not clear on your desire to do something, it’s possible you won’t do it unless forced by external factors.  In other words, you won’t do it until you have to.  The accountability factor can be motivating, but we can work around that if we don’t have the spark within us to accomplish or achieve something.  And, if we use accountability as our only source of motivation, we will lose all momentum once the accountability factor is removed.  Then what?  We need to firmly establish a motive from within, because ultimately it is from within where we find the true source of inspiration necessary to sustain us along our journey.   

Again, it’s about what is less painful: The feeling of doing something, or the feeling of not doing something.  You want your backyard cleaned up, you want to quit smoking, you want to lose weight, you want to find a new job.  Or maybe you need motivation for simple tasks such as doing some laundry, or getting in the shower, or making dinner.  The bottom line is, no matter how big or important the task, we have to do the work to get the results.  The best laid plans are useless without action behind the words.  As human beings, it is easy to gravitate to the path of least resistance, but we need to stay focused on the end result and not get lost in the immediate pleasure of giving in to what appears to be easier.  Instead of thinking about how hard something is, how much we don’t want to do it, how bad something feels, we need to remember and focus on how good it will feel once it has been accomplished.  Focusing on that good feeling breeds opportunities for more good feelings.  Think of how satisfied you will feel knowing that you have been productive and accomplished what you declared you wanted to do!

Your innate power and strength is all you need to serve as your motivation.  Decide what is important, and then DECIDE you are going to do it.  Ready?  1, 2, 3….GO!

The Power of Choice

"Some times, you have to wipe the slate or take one powerful swoop with your arms and clean the drafting table of your life and start anew. That's what Denise Scarbro did . . . Read her wonderful entry for The Whirling Blog: The Power of Choice." 
~ Gene-Manuel, The Whirling Blog


On July 1st, I had the honor of appearing as a guest writer on Gene-Manuel Whirling's website.  Click HERE to read my entry, "The Power of Choice," and take a moment to browse around at the art and inspiration that Gene has to offer!

"In my quest to improve my life, I began to explore what I believe to be at the root of all our happiness and sorrow, the motivation behind all of our decisions, the cause of every action we take: our thoughts." 
~ Denise Scarbro, The Power of Choice (as seen on The Whirling Blog)

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About Gene-Manuel (excerpted from website):

"I'm in the process of understanding my place in this world and the best way to use my life and time here on this earth. Awakening. The works on paper featured on this site are proving to be my guides on this journey.  The Magicalized Portraits also bring joy, not only to myself, but to those who commission them for themselves or gifts.  It's an honor to do what I do and bring these images forth on the page." ~ Gene-Manuel


Please visit Gene-Manuel at www.gene-manuel.com to learn more!

Curtain Call

All people present a persona when they interact with the world. Personas are the characters we portray to others as our identity.  You have heard of using your “phone voice” while at work, or having to be “on” when referring to socializing at a party or gathering.  We behave a certain way when talking to our boss; another way when we are on a first date; another when talking to our parents; and still another when talking to our friends.  We use different personas for different occasions, and while some personas are actually necessary and can be very useful, at times we unfortunately resort to a persona that is born out of insecurity or fear.  We create personas that are worn like masks that we can wear when we are worried about impressing others, when we don’t want to disappoint someone, or when we want to fit in.

Built out of what we believe to be expected of us by our parents, friends, teachers, society, or constructed to protect ourselves as a defense mechanism, our personas are a product of our thoughts and beliefs.  When we spend too much time worrying about what others think of us, we lose ourselves in the personas we create, and we can even lose sight of our inner truth.  In the spirit of winning friends, impressing people, going with the flow, or not rocking the boat, we call forth a persona we can wear as a mask that portrays what we think will be the most appealing.  When we are feeling insecure we try to mold to what we believe is expected of us in a given situation.  We do this to soothe our fear of not being liked, of looking weak, or to avoid feeling different.  Sometimes in an attempt to protect our self-esteem, we even put on a façade for ourselves and lose ourselves in the mask we have decided to wear for others. We want to fit the mold or ideal that we have determined is the appropriate or acceptable role for us to play.  We may behave arrogantly to hide our insecurities, put down others to elevate our self-worth, or behave in other ways that act as false cures for our damaged psyches. 

We can choose to think however we want to, we can decide what is important to us and what is not, and when we want to, we can change our minds!  We can literally be anything we decide to be; what a wonderful skill we have!  And isn’t what we believe for ourselves more important than what others want to believe for us anyway?  When you are at peace with every aspect of yourself, the good and the bad, you can freely present your authentic persona.  By accepting who we are, appreciating others for who they are, knowing that everyone has their own unique truth in this world, and by recognizing that we cannot please others people by being someone we are not, we can get touch with our authentic self.   

People are either going to like us or they are not, and I think it is safe to say that we would all rather have someone like us for our authentic self than be in love with our mask.  In truth, it doesn't even matter what someone else thinks about us.  The sun will still rise tomorrow...no matter what they think!