Break Free of Your Story

Sometimes, we cannot break free of what we believe we are, even when that belief is the last thing we want to be.  We might wonder things like:  Why do I always get taken advantage of?  Why do I always get into bad relationships?  How come I never can to get ahead?  Why do I always have such bad luck?

Our beliefs about ourselves become self-fulfilling prophecies.  When we believe negative things about ourselves, we unconsciously look for confirmation of those beliefs.  Those beliefs become our stories, and we look for ways to corroborate and reinforce our stories.  How often do you sing the same old song?  Is it "I'm stupid," "I'm fat," "I'll never meet anyone," "I will never make any money," "I always lose," "My job sucks," or maybe something else?  How many times do you unconsciously introduce elements of your story into situations to bring the focus back to your drama?  We all do it.  By recognizing when we are living in our story and then making a conscious decision to stop, we can free ourselves.  Give it some thought; once you recognize how you might be reinforcing your story, catch yourself and stop!  You get to take charge once you decide not to give that drama any more of your energy.

I have been making a real effort to notice how often I tell my story.  I realized I frequently tell a story by talking about how exhausted and over-worked I am, how many hours I am working, how little time I have to myself, and so on.  By telling my tale of woe, even when I am just complaining about it to myself, I reinforce my story. The "poor me, I am such a martyr" story that just makes me feel worse about my situation and certainly does not help me to change the circumstances that created the story.  I do not need to keep telling that story to validate my efforts, to make my perceived sacrifices real, or to make me feel like a good person.  In fact, if I stop talking about how awful things are, I might start to enjoy the aspects of my life that are getting lost as I drown in my story.  When I focus on what is good in my life instead of what I am unhappy with, I get more evidence of THAT story!

Is there a story of your own that you can identify, and can you now decide you are willing to let go of it?  Please comment below, share your decision to stop telling your story with a friend, or write about it in a journal.  Consciously declaring the end of the story will help you to finally close the book!

Random Acts of Kindness

While working at the restaurant this past weekend, I was presented with a wonderful example of a random act of kindness.  At the time, I was busy waiting on several tables.  I was tired and starting to find it difficult to put on a cheerful face.  In the middle of what for me was a stressful environment, something happened that transformed me and changed my entire outlook for the day.

A new party of three was seated in a booth in my section, right in front of another customer who I had already served.  The family ordered their breakfast, and then the woman at the table beckoned me to lean in closely as she whispered: "We would like to pay for that gentleman behind us.  Please give us his bill, and when he asks for his check, don't tell him who paid for it."

Well, at first I have to admit, I was confused and had no idea what she was talking about.  Unfortunately, witnessing a random act of kindness in action was out of context for me; therefore, I needed a moment to process what was going on and catch up with these nice people.  Once the light bulb went on, I smiled at them and shook my head in acknowledgment.  The man in the booth, completely unaware of what had just transpired, continued to eat his meal.  I felt so good being the keeper of this little secret; I was almost giddy! 

When the man finished his meal, he called me over and asked for his check.  I informed him that his bill was taken care of, and that he had been the lucky recipient of a random act of kindness.  He looked around the restaurant sheepishly with a smile on his face, and then looked to me to reassure him that this was not a joke.  I assured him that this was very real and congratulated him on his accidental fortune.  He left the restaurant in shock and with a spring in his step.  The family who paid for his meal smiled and continued to eat their breakfast in complete anonymity.  As for me, I went about my business working, but there was a noticeable difference in my attitude.  I had a renewed energy and a genuine smile on my face.  My day had changed completely in that moment. That's the power of a random act of kindness.  This act was not even done for me; I only witnessed it.  Now that's what I call a ripple effect!

I have told my story about the random act of kindness I witnessed, and described the wonderful feeling it gave me to many people since the weekend.  That one act of kindness keeps on giving.  In fact, it is giving once again right now as you read this.

What act of kindness, random or not, have you experienced lately?  Please comment below and tell your story.  Keep the ripple going!

Positivity Shifters

When all is calm, we know what to just what to do.  We can relax, look at life logically, reason with ourselves, and stay on track easily.  But when we are irritated, angry, or depressed, something is missing.  Not only do we not see what to do, sometimes when we are feeling overpowered by the negative space we are in, we don't really even care.  So what do we do?  What is something we can do in that exact moment to get us back on track?  We need a triggering event, but we also need a way to trigger the triggering event!  We need a "Positivity Shifter" to shift our attention and get out of the negative space.  Once we are out of the negative space, things begin to shift and we can start to piece things together.  An immediate signal that can serve as the reminder we need in that moment - that's a Positivity Shifter.  What works for one person may not work for another, but that is why it is so important to hear as many suggestions as possible now, when we are not in the middle of a negative space.  The more we have to draw upon, the better equipped we will be when we need a Positivity Shifter to get us back in alignment.

There are many Positivity Shifters, but here are a few that work for me:

• Slow, deep breaths
• Short bursts of physical activity
• Stretching
• Listing three things I am grateful for
• Calming sensory input (smells, music)

 Do you use a mantra?  Count to ten?  Please comment below and share your Positivity Shifters with me!