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Watch for updates!  On June 6th, please come and visit the new and improved Peel The Onion blog! New articles featured every Wednesday! Information on the site is organized under three categories: Thinking, Eating and Moving. It is these three categories that encompass our overall well-being. 

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The Peel the Onion blog is getting a make-over! A new home, with an expanded focus and more regular content updates. Exciting, interesting new entries COMING SOON!

 

What You Seek, You Shall Find

 

Denise Scarbro returns to The Whirling Blog for 

POSITIVE OUTLOOK MONDAYS!!  

 

 "It’s not about trying to turn something that you view as negative into suddenly being positive. It is about finding something else within it that does feel positive, and focusing on that." ~ Denise Scarbro

Click HERE to visit The Whirling Blog and read Denise Scarbro's article, What you Seek, You Shall Find, as well as the collection of inspiring articles written by other talented authors!

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To learn more about Gene-Manual and The Whirling Blog, Click HERE !

 "I'm in the process of understanding my place in this world and the best way to use my life and time here on this earth. Awakening. The works on paper featured on this site are proving to be my guides on this journey.  The Magicalized Portraits also bring joy, not only to myself, but to those who commission them for themselves or gifts.  It's an honor to do what I do and bring these images forth on the page." ~ Gene-Manuel

What's in a Number?

For the last thirty or more years, the number four has always been special to me.  I have always liked the way a four looks; I like writing the number four.  The number four is not my lucky number, it is not an omen.  It is just my number.

When I was in sixth grade, my friend and I had a crush on a boy in our class.  We would write notes to each other and talk about him, but just in case anyone discovered our notes, we referred to this boy by the code name we gave him.  We called him: #4.

Once when I was sixteen years old, I went to the shopping mall with some friends as I did many times at that age.  The parking lot was full, and I could not find my car as we left the shopping mall.  My friends wanted to check out another lot, but I knew my car was in the lot we were standing in.  We looked over another aisle, and there was my car.  We laughed as we ran to my car, and when I got to the driver's side door I looked down as I reached for the door handle.  On the ground lay a single playing card.  It was a four of diamonds.  I couldn't believe it!  I picked up the card and kept it in my secret box under my bed for safe keeping.

Several years later, I was home alone with my kids waiting for my husband to get home from work and decided to go out and get the mail.  As I walked to the mailbox I felt a weight on my shoulders as we had been living with a lot of debt, and the expectation that another bill would be in the mail that day was unavoidable.  As I got closer to the mailbox, I could see something laying on the ground.  Walking down the black top I couldn't tell what it was, but once I stepped onto the grassy parkway and got closer to the mailbox, I could see what was laying there.  It was a single playing card; a four of clubs.  Later that evening when my husband returned home, he came into the house beaming.  He had gotten a raise. 

Another couple of years later, after several failed attempts at salvaging our marriage, my husband and I decided to divorce.  We had to pack up our two-story house and move to our new separate residences.  A very emotional and trying time, to say the least.  After we had packed all of the furniture into the trucks and cleared all of our belongings out of the house, I took a stroll through the rooms to say goodbye.  The house was so empty, and every sound echoed.  I said goodbye to my children's rooms with a tear in my eye; I walked into the living room where I admired the stenciling I had spent so many hours painting onto the walls the year before.  As I stood there in the empty house feeling the depth of that sad nostalgic moment, I noticed what appeared to be a piece of paper stuck against the wall near the floor between the base board and the wall.  I walked across the room to see what it was; my footsteps made an echoing sound with each step.  When I got closer, I saw what the piece of paper was.  A single playing card; and this one was a four of spades.

I have concluded that I see the number four more often when energy is building.  I see the number four when I am standing in a long line at the grocery store, and suddenly checkout lane number four opens up and the cashier calls me over.  I see the number four on a bus driving in front of me as my phone rings and I get bad news from a friend.  Be it positive or negative energy, the number four appears when the energy is flowing.  And when I see a number four, I somehow feel comforted because I know everything is going to be ok. 

All three playing cards are safely tucked away in my secret box.  I am still missing one card to make a full suit.  If you have been reading carefully, you will know which card that is, and when I find that card, there's going to be something exciting brewing!

The Road to Freedom

I have started a new ritual that has truly opened up a whole new level of understanding for me.  A process that I find is helping me to truly understand the relationship between my thoughts and my feelings.  This new ritual has allowed me to understand the distinction between what actually is, and what I am thinking about it.  Many great teachers have written entire books about our thoughts and the effect they have on us.  The very first lesson in A Course in Miracles addresses the nature of our thoughts; Byron Katie has written several wonderful books and has developed a system called “The Work” to assist people to identify, neutralize and release our thoughts. Despite how much I have read on the subject, it has been this new practice that has allowed me to make the connection and see for myself how my thoughts affect me; and it can help you too.

Every morning as I drive the 45-minutes it takes me to arrive at work, I make a conscious effort to identify what is around me.  As I pass by road signs, I make a note: That is a sign.  As I follow the car in front of me on the expressway, I make a note: That is a car; that is a license plate; that is a tail light.  As I drive along I take notice of nature as I pass by, and I make a note: That is a bird; that is a tree.  I do this, not because I am unclear as to what each of these things actually is, but because I am actively making the distinction between the object and the feelings I associate with the object.  I make sure to identify each of the objects I see, and as my mind starts to dissect and assign meaning to the object, I stop my mind and identify the object again.  I make an effort to note my feelings about the object, which are clearly separate from the object.  I see the same street sign every day as I drive to work.  That street sign remains the same every day, even when I am not there.  The sign is still a sign, no matter how I feel about it; and that sign will still be there.  The object has absolutely no power.  It has no meaning other than the meaning I have assigned to it. 

Now, a street sign may not hold any real emotional attachment for many people, so let’s take this a step further to illustrate my point.  Let’s imagine that as I drive to work, I pass a sleek, shiny red car.  The car appears to be new, and likely is expensive.  I am intrigued by this car as I am looking at buying a new car, and I am excited as I begin to think about what kind of car I might get for myself.  I am happy thinking about the possibilities and continue to drive with a smile.  Now, another driver passes me on the left and gets up right next to the shiny red car.  This driver is driving a car that is rattling and smoke is coming out of the exhaust pipe.  He also takes notice of the red car.  He has spent his last dime to purchase the rattling car that he is driving, and when he sees the red car he immediately becomes angry.  He feels resentful, as the driver of that sleek, shiny red car is clearly spoiled.  The rattling car driver drives down the road depressed and angry.  It was not the CAR that made me feel good.  It was not the CAR that made the other driver feel angry.  It was the same car.  It was the THOUGHT we each had about the car that made us feel a certain way.  OUR THOUGHTS created the feeling.  We need to take this even one step further and, when we are ready, really examine our beliefs to understand what guides our thoughts about a particular subject.  Once we examine our thoughts and are able to realize they are just thoughts…we are free of them.

After doing this exercise for a while, I have performed the same ritual on things other than inanimate objects.  I have been able to apply the same principles to abstract ideas, and I can now see how my unexamined thoughts have been dictating and controlling how I feel.  It is our thoughts about a particular subject that make us feel a certain way; not subject itself.  The thoughts evoke a feeling. When we realize that we have control of our thoughts, we can change the feelings that are associated.  When the same feelings come up over and over again, we can isolate the thought in the same way and then be free.  We have control of our thoughts, and we do not have to allow our thoughts the power to unconsciously dictate our feelings.  When we examine our thoughts, we get to decide how we want to react; we can evaluate those thoughts and see if they are valid.  Sometimes, we need to peel the onion a little further to determine if we are dealing with one thought, or maybe the feeling is the result of another thought we didn’t even realize we were thinking?  We don’t take the time to investigate our thoughts enough.  As with any new behavior, it takes practice.  Start as I did with inanimate objects while on a ride somewhere, while sitting in the coffee shop, as you look out your window.  Once you get the hang of it, you will begin to feel a sense of understanding, and you will be on the road to freedom. 

Everything for a Reason

Sometimes things that appear to be misfortunes are actually the universe sending messages that we need to hear.  While I feel like I know his in my head, to live through it and know it is quite a different message.  After reflecting on a series of events that literally left me half-believing I had a curse, I realized there were important messages underneath each event; I just had to see them.

Of course, when we are in the moment, we are inclined to react to the stimuli of the event.  Conditioned responses, fear, self-pity, helplessness, anger; all of these rear their ugly heads.  When we take a step back and look for the gift within each event, we can appreciate the message we needed to hear.  That does not mean that we suddenly love what happened, but it does mean that we can find something that we are grateful for because of the event.  By consciously looking for the gift, we reprogram our minds to seek out the gift, rather than allow ourselves to wallow in the negative experience.  We can reprogram ourselves to find the gift within each event, and be thankful for the opportunity to learn the lesson.

For me, it all started two weeks ago.  A phone call from my daughter needing my help with a flat tire was the first in a string of events that actually allowed me to see beyond the misfortune these events brought me, and then find the hidden messages that I needed to hear.  The messages that I now see were gifts piggy-backing along with the events; gifts that made me see the bigger picture.  The events were big enough to capture my attention, and they were presenting themselves to me over and over, one right after the other, until I was able to see. 

You see, the incidents were metaphors for what was going on in my life.  Over the past seven months, I have been very focused on excelling at my job.  A noble pursuit, of course, but what I did not realize was, because of such a rigid focus on one thing, I was neglecting other areas of my life.  I also now see that my focus on my ambition masked insecurities and fears that I did not want to recognize within me.  In addition to my regular hours spent at work, I had been spending many hours working at home doing extra projects for the office.  While all of these things are actually very commendable, they absolutely need to be kept in perspective.  I had been neglecting the rest of my life, and these events were all symbolically trying to show me that I needed to slow down, refocus, and get back in balance.  A flat tire requires roadside assistance and a replacement tire; a water leak from my clothes washer spills over from the second floor to the ground floor causing thousands of dollars in damage to my home; a molar cracks after years of chewing pressure resulting in extensive dental work; a bank error results in a significant sum of money being deducted out of my account; I receive a speeding ticket with a hefty fine.  I am grateful for the opportunity to rediscover the parts of me that I have put on the back burner.  It took events rich in symbolism for me to realize I was overextending myself, but I also had to be open to the messages.  I had to look for them. 

We need to condition ourselves to seek out the good, the message, the gift in everything.  A hard rain never lasts long, and everything happens for a reason.  Be aware, tune in, and always be grateful for the lesson.

GOALS - A Development Activity

Goals

“What holds attention determines action,” William James

Why is it important to set goals?  It is important to set goals because in order to make something happen, we need to envision it with clarity!  What do you want?  Ask yourself, what would I go for if I could not fail?  Begin to shed the limitations you unconsciously have set for yourself.  Once you have determined what you want, practice feeling what it will be like when you achieve your goal.  Attaching a feeling to the goal makes it real.  Now mentally rehearse the feelings you will have once you achieve it….is it joy?  Happiness?  Relief?  Pride?  Remember, your desire to achieve that feeling is why you have this goal.  Actively focus on your goal, and be sure to rewrite your goals often.  

In order for a goal to hold our attention, it must inspire us.  Sometimes we are afraid to set goals because we are afraid of disappointment, or failure.  Failure is just an opportunity to redefine our goals.  We need to have flexibility to notice that as we move in the direction of our goals, there are sometimes more worthy goals that are revealed.  We need to be able to adapt, re-define, and restructure our goals.

There are different types of goals: personal development goals; career/economic goals; toys/adventure goals; contribution goals.  For the purpose of this discussion, we are focusing on career/economic goals.  To identify what specific goals make sense for you, begin by writing down what you want for your financial life.  How much money do you want to earn?  What position do you want to achieve?  Would you like to become a leader at your company?  What are your money management goals?  Do you want to double your income?  Maybe you are just concerned about balancing your checkbook?  What investments would you like to make?  Do you want to make a plan for your retirement?  Do you want a new car?  Take a vacation?  Maybe you just want to pay off your debt?  Decide what you want, and set your goals! 

In The Ultimate Secrets of Total Self-Confidence, Dr. Robert Anthony makes a wonderful goal setting analogy (pg. 127).  He says setting a goal is like the steps required when buying a train ticket:

1.       Decide to get on the train. (CHOOSE YOUR GOAL)

2.      Choose the best possible route to get where you are going.  (THE RIGHT PLAN)

3.      Pay for the ticket. (BE WILLING TO PAY THE PRICE FOR WHAT YOU WANT)

4.      Get on the train. (GET INTO ACTION)

Just as you need to establish what your goals are, you also need to DECIDE that you are going to accomplish them.  You need to make a commitment to your goals.  You must set goals that are important to you, and then you need to identify the steps necessary to accomplish them.  What can you do NOW that will move you toward your goal?  What kind of positive action will lead you to the attainment of the goal? 

To better understand the steps it will take to accomplish your goal, try using a flowchart method and work backwards through the steps needed to achieve the goal. 

Example:  Put your goal in the top box, and ask yourself, “What needs to happen to make this happen?”  Now break down all of the action steps necessary in the next level of boxes.  What needs to happen to make that level of boxes happen?  Continue to break down all of the action steps necessary in the next level of boxes.  Once you have broken down the action plan to the lowest level, you know exactly where to start and exactly what needs to happen!  You have created “mini goals” to help you reach your main goal.

We must clearly see and FEEL the value each step has to achieve the goal.  In Anthony Robbins’ book, Awaken the Giant Within, he says, “The process of setting goals works a lot like eyesight.  The closer you get to your destination, the greater clarity you gain, not only in the goal itself, but the details of everything around it” (pg. 275).

If you do not have any goals, then you must be exactly where you want to be right now.  However, if you want things to change, you have to decide to make things change.  If you decide not to change things, you are saying that you would rather be in the situation you are in than pay the price to change.  Take the time to set goals for yourself.  First, understand what it will take to accomplish your goals, and then focus on each step and work to reach your goal.  If you want something….go get it!