The Road to Freedom

I have started a new ritual that has truly opened up a whole new level of understanding for me.  A process that I find is helping me to truly understand the relationship between my thoughts and my feelings.  This new ritual has allowed me to understand the distinction between what actually is, and what I am thinking about it.  Many great teachers have written entire books about our thoughts and the effect they have on us.  The very first lesson in A Course in Miracles addresses the nature of our thoughts; Byron Katie has written several wonderful books and has developed a system called “The Work” to assist people to identify, neutralize and release our thoughts. Despite how much I have read on the subject, it has been this new practice that has allowed me to make the connection and see for myself how my thoughts affect me; and it can help you too.

Every morning as I drive the 45-minutes it takes me to arrive at work, I make a conscious effort to identify what is around me.  As I pass by road signs, I make a note: That is a sign.  As I follow the car in front of me on the expressway, I make a note: That is a car; that is a license plate; that is a tail light.  As I drive along I take notice of nature as I pass by, and I make a note: That is a bird; that is a tree.  I do this, not because I am unclear as to what each of these things actually is, but because I am actively making the distinction between the object and the feelings I associate with the object.  I make sure to identify each of the objects I see, and as my mind starts to dissect and assign meaning to the object, I stop my mind and identify the object again.  I make an effort to note my feelings about the object, which are clearly separate from the object.  I see the same street sign every day as I drive to work.  That street sign remains the same every day, even when I am not there.  The sign is still a sign, no matter how I feel about it; and that sign will still be there.  The object has absolutely no power.  It has no meaning other than the meaning I have assigned to it. 

Now, a street sign may not hold any real emotional attachment for many people, so let’s take this a step further to illustrate my point.  Let’s imagine that as I drive to work, I pass a sleek, shiny red car.  The car appears to be new, and likely is expensive.  I am intrigued by this car as I am looking at buying a new car, and I am excited as I begin to think about what kind of car I might get for myself.  I am happy thinking about the possibilities and continue to drive with a smile.  Now, another driver passes me on the left and gets up right next to the shiny red car.  This driver is driving a car that is rattling and smoke is coming out of the exhaust pipe.  He also takes notice of the red car.  He has spent his last dime to purchase the rattling car that he is driving, and when he sees the red car he immediately becomes angry.  He feels resentful, as the driver of that sleek, shiny red car is clearly spoiled.  The rattling car driver drives down the road depressed and angry.  It was not the CAR that made me feel good.  It was not the CAR that made the other driver feel angry.  It was the same car.  It was the THOUGHT we each had about the car that made us feel a certain way.  OUR THOUGHTS created the feeling.  We need to take this even one step further and, when we are ready, really examine our beliefs to understand what guides our thoughts about a particular subject.  Once we examine our thoughts and are able to realize they are just thoughts…we are free of them.

After doing this exercise for a while, I have performed the same ritual on things other than inanimate objects.  I have been able to apply the same principles to abstract ideas, and I can now see how my unexamined thoughts have been dictating and controlling how I feel.  It is our thoughts about a particular subject that make us feel a certain way; not subject itself.  The thoughts evoke a feeling. When we realize that we have control of our thoughts, we can change the feelings that are associated.  When the same feelings come up over and over again, we can isolate the thought in the same way and then be free.  We have control of our thoughts, and we do not have to allow our thoughts the power to unconsciously dictate our feelings.  When we examine our thoughts, we get to decide how we want to react; we can evaluate those thoughts and see if they are valid.  Sometimes, we need to peel the onion a little further to determine if we are dealing with one thought, or maybe the feeling is the result of another thought we didn’t even realize we were thinking?  We don’t take the time to investigate our thoughts enough.  As with any new behavior, it takes practice.  Start as I did with inanimate objects while on a ride somewhere, while sitting in the coffee shop, as you look out your window.  Once you get the hang of it, you will begin to feel a sense of understanding, and you will be on the road to freedom. 

Everything for a Reason

Sometimes things that appear to be misfortunes are actually the universe sending messages that we need to hear.  While I feel like I know his in my head, to live through it and know it is quite a different message.  After reflecting on a series of events that literally left me half-believing I had a curse, I realized there were important messages underneath each event; I just had to see them.

Of course, when we are in the moment, we are inclined to react to the stimuli of the event.  Conditioned responses, fear, self-pity, helplessness, anger; all of these rear their ugly heads.  When we take a step back and look for the gift within each event, we can appreciate the message we needed to hear.  That does not mean that we suddenly love what happened, but it does mean that we can find something that we are grateful for because of the event.  By consciously looking for the gift, we reprogram our minds to seek out the gift, rather than allow ourselves to wallow in the negative experience.  We can reprogram ourselves to find the gift within each event, and be thankful for the opportunity to learn the lesson.

For me, it all started two weeks ago.  A phone call from my daughter needing my help with a flat tire was the first in a string of events that actually allowed me to see beyond the misfortune these events brought me, and then find the hidden messages that I needed to hear.  The messages that I now see were gifts piggy-backing along with the events; gifts that made me see the bigger picture.  The events were big enough to capture my attention, and they were presenting themselves to me over and over, one right after the other, until I was able to see. 

You see, the incidents were metaphors for what was going on in my life.  Over the past seven months, I have been very focused on excelling at my job.  A noble pursuit, of course, but what I did not realize was, because of such a rigid focus on one thing, I was neglecting other areas of my life.  I also now see that my focus on my ambition masked insecurities and fears that I did not want to recognize within me.  In addition to my regular hours spent at work, I had been spending many hours working at home doing extra projects for the office.  While all of these things are actually very commendable, they absolutely need to be kept in perspective.  I had been neglecting the rest of my life, and these events were all symbolically trying to show me that I needed to slow down, refocus, and get back in balance.  A flat tire requires roadside assistance and a replacement tire; a water leak from my clothes washer spills over from the second floor to the ground floor causing thousands of dollars in damage to my home; a molar cracks after years of chewing pressure resulting in extensive dental work; a bank error results in a significant sum of money being deducted out of my account; I receive a speeding ticket with a hefty fine.  I am grateful for the opportunity to rediscover the parts of me that I have put on the back burner.  It took events rich in symbolism for me to realize I was overextending myself, but I also had to be open to the messages.  I had to look for them. 

We need to condition ourselves to seek out the good, the message, the gift in everything.  A hard rain never lasts long, and everything happens for a reason.  Be aware, tune in, and always be grateful for the lesson.